do whatever.

就算做事做错, 也只是怕错过
Considering that i've done wrong, i'm also simply afraid to make mistakes again.

 给我一首歌的时间/ Give Me Time to Sing This Song - 周杰伦 / Jay Chou

(been needing to brush up on chinese for Harbin)

Today consisted of 6am physio in west perth, followed by tutoring chris for econs, then some suit hunting in the city. and may i just say...

suits are -insert profanity-ing expensive.  (original budget was $200, looks like that'll cover..3/4 of a jacket?)

-sigh- looking through those available, those that were cheap, (i.e under $300) didnt look that great. the cut on some of them was off, and so was the sizing of areas. worst moment, was when we had to walk into Emporio Armani...
holy mother of..
never felt so out of place aha.
decided against getting anything (too poor la.), and nothing looked that really appealing.

so, here i am, writing this post. not much else nothing else better to do..(i think). really should start packing though. im weighing up whether or not to bring my rubiks cube..(probably wont..eh.)
there's not much else to say.
spent the past few days backing up ridiculous amounts sh*tloads of data. family photos/events/all other stuff, is now saved to two hard drives, computer, netbook and 4GB CD's.
(if they all somehow get wiped, im really going to rage.)
so yeah, life's great.


now, my own little rant time, something i havent done in a time.

look in a mirror.
before you criticize others, criticize yourself. (yes i know i fail at this, but i am trying to improve.)
there's not much point stating an apparent difference if there's nothing to differentiate (lol im studying 3CD maths, jk, i have a life.. no not really) between you and the other.

respect is difficult to gain, but im amazed at how quickly you've lost my respect. -clicks fingers- just like that. -nods head- hell, dont care if you bother to read this or not, it's my own blog, so i can post what i like (fyeahh)
well, i know you wont listen to this. firstly, because you probably wont read this. secondly, because you'll think it sounds nothing like you, and as such, dont think it evens applies.
well, good luck with that, hope you have fun.
selfishness isnt a desirable trait. yet somehow, you seem to love it. always about you yeah? -shrug- oh well, i couldnt care less. just dont mess with me kayyyyy?
*correction: respect is in negatives now, kthxbai.

thoughts: ..really now.
-10 < -5 < 10
0.1/99.9

damn it's late...

Open my eyes, (yeah)

it was only just a dream...

Just A Dream - Nelly

These past two days seem to have run on forever been an eternity.

two eternities, at that.

friday morning, arrived at school. we had a meeting for the new house point system (and like our previous meetings), it failed in splendid glory. disagreements led to arguments, this to that, and suddenly, almost 20+ people had their own ideas and views as to how we should arrange it.

most of us got pretty pissed, when others turned up more than an hour late and this summed up the argumentative case of those:

-11:30 am-

a: why weren't you here at 10? i told you it starts at 10, the note told you it starts at 10

b: oh, "c" told me it started at 11

a: i told you two nights ago, when you asked that it starts at 10

b: "c" told me it started at 11, not 10

a: if "c" told you 11, why are you only here now?

b: -no comment-

suddenly, school work seems so much completely easier  than this. (at least school work has a correct answer...most of the time.)

following the heated meeting that lasted almost 3 hours, we "kinda" finally decided on a weighting system for the events next year

1. Sports:           35%
2. Arts:              30% (in my opinion, this should be the very bottom)
3. Spirit:             20%
4. Academics     15%

yeah, we know we're gonna come under fire for all of that. but really, those who did the work, no longer care what happens, if you want better, do it yourself. (thinly veiled threat, yeah.)

afternoon was spent with activities introducing the new house. period 4 was spent with indoor activites. i had to quiz little kids on a powerpoint about St Emilie de Vialar. (lots of fun). midget-y year 7's tried to steal the food rewards. year 9s.. now i understand why everyone "dislikes" them. -shakes head-. scratched my hand pretty badly on my own laptop that i had knocked over, and caught as it fell (some kids thought i was ninja haha). afternoon was spent on outdoor activities, where the little kids (now high on sugar) ran around. how much i wanted the afternoon to finish.

de Vialar came second overall, in terms of points (even though we deserve first, gonna make ramsey's life hell next year for it) following that, some of us helped to set up for the year 7 social, wasnt that much work, had to leave early anyway.

year 7 social. lots of loud music, flashing lights. doesnt exactly help my claustrophobia. (well at least they werent all bunched together). took sh*tloads of photos, the head of year and teachers were happy, asked us (josh + i ) to make a powerpoint of them.(funnnnnn, as if we're really that free.) 

following that, went to northrbridge (yes at 10 at night). chinese school function. my god, i've never been so disturbed. it had a catwalk competition. which involved old fat guys, "sexily" taking their shirts off. one guy even began by undoing his belt buckle. -facepalm-
not pretty at all.
(for the record, no i did not take any photos of this. didnt want my camera lens to break shatter)
food consisted of about 5% solids, and 95% MSG. (yeah, tasted good, naturally.)
hell, i was happy when we only had to stay for only about 45 mins.

came home, was on computer till 3 am (as per usual.)
slept. zzz.

woken up at 9 by a call from aileen. and i've learnt i really should set my alarm different to my ringtone. took me about 5 "who is this?" before i finally understood enough. looking back, i cant remember at all what i said. so for any of you wishing to ask me about some deep dark secret, call me at a ridiculous hour, and i'll probably answer truthfully, and not remember what i said. (now im switching my mobile to silent haha.)

"woke up" again at 12:30, mum called, saying how she was coming to pick me up for lunch in 10 mins.
i have never jumped out of bed so fast.
i was ready in 7. (shower included, however my best time was about 5mins 30.)

dinner was dim sum, pretty nice. not much more to add on, besides the usual use of basic cantonese consisting of "yat ko siu mai" and "mm guai"
food was msg coated, again (but hey, it's an asian restaurant, what can do you expect?)

afternoon, consisted of walking around garden city looking for birthday presents and stuff for china trip. got ideas for the present from nancy/aileen, except that nancy walks wayyy to fast in a crowd. especially between the frenzied pre-christmas shoppers. i feel pretty bad for josh, as i would spend my time wondering around dick smith looking waiting for his help, however randomly asking him questions when he walked past while helping some old lady buy a GPS for her car, and then suddenly decide to look at LCD's. (yeah, if you're reading this, sorry man.). saw nick at some sushi place, said hello, he mistook me walking around the myers perfume section the wrong way (understandable) still, turns out he's going to harbin sometime in december too, might get to see him there (woooo.)

found a good present with chris, had to make up some story about me being metro and helping him buy a present for his mum. (yeah we were he was that desperate to make some elaborate story about why we bought...oh cant say anymore)

came home at the end of that. and just watched tv/msn till late.
yep. these two days felt like an eternity

there's more on my mind, but i cant/dont want to write it out now (remind me tomorrow to write a new postt)

thoughts: you bloody idiot.
-10 < 1 < 10
0/100

long timee.

For it wont be long

till i'm gonna need

somebody to lean on...

Lean On Me

 (hope justin reads this)

Wow. it's been a more than a week since i've posted anything new, and in that time adam's posted 2 vids, and lilly a short post (why so short, and in jap?)

still, between that post and today, there's been, 5 exams, 2 study sessions, a movie, a dinner dance, a party, a failed attempt at returning an iPod, a new camera, too many hours on black ops/gears of war/dota and ...randoms dropping by.
-whew-
wasnt exactly easy to remember it all. (there's probably more, but that's just the key things)
so, unless you're really, really, REALLY FREE (hey, its holidays, who isnt yeahh?), dont bother reading this LONG-ASS-POST.

Pt 1: the chemistry exam.
hmmmmmmmmmmm.
DAMN C2O4-2 IS AN OXALATE ION (not dicarbon-tetraoxide, as i wrote down urgh.) well, i think it went ok in general, being the first exam, i had studied the most for it, and it remained pretty fresh in my head. Finished with some time to spare, calculations were pretty ok. (EF for the carbon compound was CH2 yeahh?) in general, i found it pretty fair. (those 4 ionic equations are my bane argh.) lala, at the end of it, it was over, and josh and i agreed to rip it up in front of our teacher if we didnt get above 70%.

Pt 2: library studyy
not much happened, we saw kenny again (well kinda). got more work done, i was the only sad one there from corpus worrying about the economics exam on monday -sigh- everyone else had dived straight into physics. surprisingly, almost all of the huge jokes had died down (which just ruins the fun, i think) much time was put into preparing victory celebrations/dances/actions, however, most of us, after-considering-the-amount-of-study-for-chem-a-waste, gave up, and lost focus immediately (aileen, not mentioning any names specifically hahh.)

Pt 3: religion...wtf.
really, that was on a monday morning, and it was one of the most taurusfaeces exams i've ever done. a 2.5 hour paper was crammed into 2 hours, and we only found out halfway through, that we needed to cram the remaining second section in, urgh. the questions, really i want to bash the person who made them up, some were pretty straightforward, but asked for like, wha- 12 MARKS?! then others were just beating around the bush. by the time you finished writing a long-winded mini-essay, you read the next question and realised 3/4 of your essay relates to the next point and so forth. (really, it was the longest 2 hours of my life -cries in corner-). the moment the supervisors said "pens down" the entire room looked up, and just shook their head. some had given up earlier, while others had tried-to-cram-in-as-much-sh*t-as-possible-in-five-minutes. (oh well, it's not a worry anymore) still, im kinda sad, that my 94 average for that subject is probably gonna drop -cheesy grin-.

pt 4: economics = good
straight after the religion exam, bolted to get my bag, find an empty classroom and begin studying (ofc, dropped by the canteen to buy recess/lunch, my stomach was making noises fifteen minutes into the religion exam -no shame here-) my idea of 'revision' pretty much consisted of me yelling out random answers to those asking questions, and sometimes, asking others to regurgitate their knowledge in as little breath as possible. kristelle tried to cram for economics, not sure how well that went. we went to see ramsey, and he said the best words possible (besides "we're cancelling the exam"):
"there's no CAD or FAS stuff"
i jumped for joy at the moment (58% in that test really killed me -sigh-)
stepping into the exam, i felt reasonably confident. and thank god i wasnt scared.
opening the paper, reading time was bliss, began preparing essays, selecting questions, choosing which ones to do first etc etc.
multiple choice had a suggested working time of "35 mins", after finishing 24 questions, and checking over again, i looked up at the clock, and realised only 15 mins had passed...LE FUUUU. spent almost 2 hours on my extended response, which included TWO QUESTIONS (yes i answered both, unlike others -you know who i mean-) and hope i get at least 17/20 for each response.
I HATE THE LAPTOP. i accidentally pulled the power cable out once, and lost about 20 mins of working. then, 2 minutes later-  IT FROZE. urghhh, after restarting again, and about halfway into the next question- THE MOTHER!@#$%^&*( PIECE OF @#$%^&*( FROZE AGAIN. (at least i had saved after every single new sentence -yes, i know, sad-). friends nearby could visibly see that i was raging at the laptop, half tempted to ditch it half-way across the room.
and thus, the economics exam ended.

pt 5: engrish exam.
another taurusfaeces exam. was held in afternoon. first question asked us to analyse a text from a choice of two. i chose to do the one on cosmetic surgery, simply because: a) it was shorter, b) it was written in plain english. (reason enough? i'd think so.) second section asked for you to choose a question from about 6 options. i chose to write about why we should exclude our novel "the curious incident of the dog in the night time" (now imagine writing that a couple of dozen times in an essay) from future english courses. im pretty happy with my work in that, but i think the quality of my writing exponentially decreased from then onwards. third section was visual texts. (i fricking hate visual texts), i chose to analyse some backyard party scene, that depicted australian culture due to the beer and bbq. (yeah not that much to go on), i'll be content with a 16/30 for that section. (funnily enough, that was where i wrote the most, probably because i waffled on for about 9/10 of the time.)

pt 6: PHYSICS
morning of physics exam, everyone was pumped that this was their last exam. walking in, looking at the paper, it wasnt that bad (please dont quote me on this), i almost found it kind of "fun"? i dunno, lets just hope the results are good. after the previous stupid english exam, josh and i agreed on nodding our heads at the end of reading time if we found it ok. thankfully, we both nodded. thank godddd i brushed over those heat questions, they proved to be quite a b*tch in the exam -sigh- who cares, by the end of it, the first thing we did when the supervisors let us go, was hug each other. IT WAS OVER. we were all so happy. for most of them, it meant no longer needing to return to school (unless you wanted to pick your results up -or face it being mailed to you urghhh-) after that, chris and i went to josh's place to get changed, then we walked from school pretty much, to about halfway to garden city (we're such smart cookies, arent we?) we felt like dying by the time we reached there. THEY RAN OUT OF CHICKEN STRIPS at red rooster -cry- so i had to settle for a rippa sub with a chicken fillet sliced in half (tasted funny) after that, chris and i looked around for birthday presents while josh wandered off with kiara (didnt want to interrupt anything yeahh). bumped into vania and trakkie, and we got pretty cool presents for people. (so awkward to have two guys walking around garden city, with a nerf gun and pink teddy bear, some old ladies gave disapproving looks).

pt 7: city hunting
following day, none of us bothered to wake up early (i.e before 10) met with justin and chris in the city to find birthday present for jodiee, decided morning glory was a rip-off (as per usual) and decided to go see tokyo underground, one quote summed up how we felt
"guys, it feels so good, knowing that we dont have to rush lunch, and then go back to the library to study" justin.
oh yes, the euphoria of freedom was slowly setting in. (slowly, ever so slowly)
after finding all the presents, we decided to go back to my place. catching the train, we saw a guy with an interesting t-shirt called "shutdown group" as an actual company name (i wanna work there one day, just coz of the name -grin-). arriving back, we blasted on the aircon and finished our lunch in the games room.
then the fun started.
chris began asking if we had any ties that we could lend for his striped red shirt. well, me and justin had none, so he asked to borrow one of our shirts for the dinner dance...it snowballed from there, and justin unleashed his inner metro. we began dressing chris up, and finally agreed on him wearing a white shirt, with either a red tie or bow-tie, and a vest. unfortunately, we selected the red tie (even though jamie said bow-tie > red tie -i still liked the bow tie more though-) the reason being that the bow tie made him look like a waiter.

pt 8: new cameraa
NIKON D3000 -drool- friday morning was spent travelling amongst camerahouse and jb hi fi's, needed to buy things for the Harbin trip, and a camera was one of them. we finally decided on the nikon d3000, which is a pretty cool entry-level DSLR, the guy at the shop (fabio? was it), awesome guy, gave a good packaged deal with other accessories. omgg dslr -drool-

pt 9: deathly hallows
met up with chris and justin at garden city again, once they had chucked their things in the car, we went to wait for the guys from mod for deathly hallows (just after chem examm). movie was pretty ok, was bored out of my mind during the forrest scenes, where not much happened. (the scenery wasnt even that great), highlight was probably towards the end, when justin showed me a text from kristelle, which i couldnt help but laugh. chris later nudged me, and i looked to my left. one word/sound described it... NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
yeah, haha. end of movies, was picked up, and rushed back to my place. 3 of us got ready for dinner dance, and just for the hell of it, began camwhoring in my bathroom (lololol). after we were about to leave, we received a text from aaron stating "life is good" upon asking why he replied with "go check fb". i have never seen, the three of us, run so fast to a computer. once we logged on, all we could do was stare in shock (im guessing most of you would know the details by now -i'd hope-) but once again, oen word/sound....
NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

pt 10: dinner dance.
omg, by then, i was pretty much dead. so tired and drained. dinner dance was good in general. lots of laughs, lots of photos, lots of food. everyone looked amazing haha, mocktails were pretty good. friends were split amongst 3 tables, but it really wasnt an issue with everyone walking around. dinner was served table by table, and surprisingly, we were able to taste the fish, see the vegetables, and chew the roast. ah, it was good. lots of photos taken with the new dslr -smile- well worth it. sunset wasnt that spectacular though, which was a shame. i stayed away from the dancefloor though (stupid claustrophobia argh) but had  good time talking with others nearby haha. by the end of the night, we were all dead. apparently walker had gotten into trouble with some cake, and craggs was threatened with the removal of his prefect status for piggybacking a guy on the dance floor. (im pretty sure the knee-ing to his balls was punishment enough -ouch-) justin and chris came back once again, and were picked up around midnight.

pt 11: long evening
waking up late that day, i only had a few hours to realize that exams were over. after that it was preparation for some family dinner. all i did there was eat, and play some piano for aunties and uncles to hear (omg, why me? im not even graded -sigh-) at about 8pm, left for gerards. first sight, walking in through the doors, was anyi and aaron sitting on the piano stool. everyone else was dancing in gerards dining area (yes the tables had been removed) once again, claustrophobia didnt exactly help me, so i spent most of my time sitting in a separate room talking with others. chris looked really sick from the strobe lights, and spent much of his time with his face buried in a shroom doll, unable to take the light. the cake was delicions, and in general, everyone really enjoyed the night haha.

I REALLY CANT BE BOTHERED< TO FINISH THE LAST PART.

there's just too much, and this is already a damn biography -sigh- i'll write the rest up tomorrow/today, and will post it asap i guess hahaha

anyways, 

bye for now

urgh so effing late. (also, i'll format it more tomorrow)

thoughts: omg, finished the post...for now

-10 < 3 < 10

0/100

alones

You don’t have to force your smile for anyone else
It’s alright to smile only for yourself...

Alones - Aqua Timez

piss me off, and i will, seriously rip your -insert profanity-ing head off.

oh yeah, absolutely fantastic mood.

having training for something you volunteered to do, until 8pm, doesnt sit so well in my understanding. especially if it involves sitting in a crowded, tiny minuscule room with 30+ people.

short fuse, fyeahh.

in physics, you learn about tension, and how after a certain amount of stress, the string/chain/linking/whatever, will snap. well, how can that apply in real life eh? everyone can only take so much. but what happens when you reach that breaking point? will you suddenly stretch, and be able to take more? or will you just snap?

just snapping sounds so much easier. (plead on grounds of insanity yeahh.)

i really did think more of you. but i guess i was wrong (as usual). must you really?

im not sure how, really im not sure. how it came to be this way. was it my fault? yours? or both of ours? still, i cant be bothered worrying about it. it's pointless, it really is. don't even bother. (and i cant be bothered caring eitherrrrrr.)

the song Alones, by Aqua Timez strikes me as a really nice piece. nice rhythm and lyrics. and below is the vid haha.

[YouTube] Alones - Aqua Timez

still.

-shrug-

thoughts: -smash, shuttle disintegrates-

-10 < -9 < 10

nooo.

With one mistake, everything else will be lost
When your head is down, fold your hands
Spread your wings, you can fly...

Fly - Epik High

Don't even bother.

best words piece of advice. (hell yeahh)

today felt like a hell-of-a long day.

arrived at school at 7:50 (man so early) studied econs, went to see H.O.Y about leavers jackets.

was given the choice to do econs test tomorrow, but might as well have gotten it done today.

finished it in 2/3 of the time. just hoping i got most of it right lol. (honestly, i dont really care if i screwed up, so long as i passed.)

rest of day went by pretty fast-ish. (nothing else much really)

during after school chem tuition, since we missed 3-4 classes:

josh: you notice how the people always doing stuff out of class do phys, chem and maths 3AB.

chong: yes, that's because you are all such good students.

sean: ...or we just dont have lives.

(sadly enough, what i said applies to me.)

tomorrow till 8:30 pm, for Cadre training. (really, i have no clue why i even bother with these things.)

distractions are good. they take your mind off what really bothers you. hell, you could be down and blue, and all that is needed is someone to ask you to go find the new designs for leavers jackets. yeah, distractions are extremely useful. only thing that sucks, is when you've finished, and you're no longer distracted. it comes back, and hits you harder. guess it pretty much builds up into something that really packs a punch.

what does the term "friend" mean to you?

is it someone you trust, someone you get along with, or simply just someone you know? it's an extremely broad term, over-used i'd say.

but really, how do you tell your "friends" from everyone else? -shrug-

all A's next year seems possible, all that it would require is:

1. delete my msn/hotmail
2. permanently deactivating fb.
3. turning off my wireless modem.
4. downgrade to $5 a month for mobile.

and i seriously am considering these things. next year is your one shot at uni. the last thing you would want are distractions. (hmm, or i could just turn off the modem, the rest would follow though...mostly.)

alsoo, im not going to organise anything after exams. if you want to, do it yourself.(that is all)

i dont consider it worth the time/effort/preparation i put in. in the end, it becomes just another "outing" that you have a few memories of. what you fail to see is the hours/days/weeks of planning, put in for just a few hours. definitely not worth it on my part. i'd rather play piano.

i'll wrap it up here. organics test tomorrow, and i need a decent amount of sleep.

thoughts: "..."

-10 < -8 < 10

this apple tastes funny.

"Somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have, stayed up with you all night."

How To Save A Life - The Fray

Taking a break from my physics report (damn i really hate optics.)

today i'm stumped/clueless as to what to write about. it's becoming pretty "stressful" i guess im just not seeing/showing it. (yet.)
slept when i came back from coaching public speaking, pretty bad headache. (but i guess that's what you deserve when you live off 4 hours sleep.)

-sighh- im really losing my wit patience, and no longer as tolerant with people. (i wonder whyy eh...)

still, i dont really think it matters. you can't please anyone everyone, it's nice having a few close friends that (quoting jamiee) "i can trust with my life." there always will be people you clash with, but proof of your character is when you can see past those differences. (yeah well not everyone can look past them.)

got an email from badminton tournament, we originally intended to have 70-80 people, but we ended up with approximately 150 (whoah.) which would then go to explain the absolute chaos that was "gala".

today was mostly spent mocking running and hiding. yes, this is retribution. retaliate all you want, im not going to stop mangg.

the word "meh" is becoming a favourite of mine, shows that you dont really care give a damn aha. extremely useful in situations where you couldnt care less. (ah the joys and wonders of sarcasm.)

you can drift apart from people amazingly fast. but i dunno, i guess i just really miss those conversations that would go for hours long, about the most random-est of things. yeah, i doubt much more can be done to fix/solve right now, it's just in everyone's nature to move on when there's no longer a purpose.

11:11 now. and personally, i think am sure there's not much purpose to it at all.
it seems to be one of those things you grow up with, thinking that if you wish hard enough, wish plenty of times, it will eventually come true. yeah well, false hopes much? (yes i know im sounding extremely cynical, i just dont see how it could possibly improve anything.)
part of me still wants to believe it's true though. is it the childish nature? or our own tendency to hope and dream?

school's being an absolute b*tch, physics and chem, yes i know i shouldnt complain, but there's not much else going on. (that i can think of really.)
economics, we got chocolate, explaining market structure and the difference between equity and efficiency.
physics, research about the optics pract.
english, got our essays back, 23/25 yeahh, mashima still pwned just beat me with a 24 though (i hate youu ahaha jks jks.)
religion, nothing as usual, kinda feeling bad about not bothering to try, even though it has one of the best teachers.
maths, spent around 20 minutes of the lesson sitting outside, teacher had obviously forgotten about the 16 of us who are still at school.

it's becoming more fun, and interesting having more people contribute to the blog. everyone has their own unique writing styles, and it adds variety. for me, first and foremost, it's a medium (physics omg.) that allows me to relax a bit. something that allows me to reflect on my day, and how messed up human nature is.

anyways, physics is calling me back with its seductive voice (i just absolutely love it.)
camp in 3 days time, woo.


thoughts: really?
-10 < -3 < 10

"the heart of life is good" - john mayer

recently, i think i've figured out who my real friends are and it's a really comforting feeling having a few people that i feel like i can trust with my life. (esp whaleface). and it's not just my friends at school, i am also forever grateful that i have an amazing big brother. even though he probably would never ever read this and is currently 18, 623 km away, i miss him so much and i'm happy we still skype and facebook and email and all but i feel like home is so incomplete. he used to balance me out so well and he knows me better than anyone, he was always over affectionate, even when i was always like 'blergh feelings are for losers' and forced me into suffocating hugs (invading my personal bubble) and played soft guitar songs that i could hear through the thin walls at night to help me sleep and drove me to mcdonalds at 11pm when i craved mcflurries and lied for me and stood up for me and made me noodle soup and made me listen to amazin songs and now i worry about him all the way in north carolina but i'm happy he's on his way to fulfilling all of his dreams, even though i'm not there with him.

i think family is the most important thing. but i've found that those close friends count as family too. they're just as important and always will be. i can't imagine ever losing them because they truly make everything worthwhile :3