Joint Post Pt 1

对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨

跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
If you have too many complaints towards this world
When you fall down you don't dare to continue walking forward

People change, though not necessarily for the best.
i guess it's inveitable, everyone changes. all i know is that it really sucks, when someone close to you becomes someone you dont even know anymore.
(ah well, delusional rants, got to love them)
i miss the old you, the one who would make sarcastic jokes, and beat the hell out of me aha. now, i dont really know, are you really like this? or is it because you've changed..

So now you find yourself in an awkward situation where the person next to you feels like they're a million miles away. is it you or is it them? or maybe it's the both of you, a meter, a mile, what difference is there? they're no longer close to you. you're wondering about the catalyst that has so rapidly spurred this change; and why exactly this catalyst had to get tipped into the alkane you didn't want to react with the halogens floating around in the atmosphere. was it all the catalysts fault? or was it inevitable, that eventually, bonds would be broken. in chemical nature to want more - or at least a full shell arrangement. or a saturated number of carbon bonds. but once two atoms (one being your dear friend) achieve their awesome shared full shell arrangement things aren't the same anymore. "same" describes what you miss, something you wish you still had with your friend.
they're seemingly complete. they complement each other. content with their octet. of all the similarities. connected. an image of an asian mother pops into your head and says 'yao mou gao chor ah, cannot  change things la" but alas; what of you and your friend? how many times have you proved your asian mother wrong, maybe this time, she's right..

you feel annoyed at this situation, first. if annoyed would even be the right word to use at all.
then you realize that there's nothing you can do about it. not without making an idiot of yourself, and having all your "friends" stare you down.
except maybe hope that some crazy force of intermolecular attraction will keep you and yo' smitten friend from straying. but how long will the force last? or is it broken already.

but at the end of it all you just gotta hang in there and wish on every shitty 11:11 regardless of rain or shine or melancholy or ecstasy that you don't lose people and that they don't forget you. 11:11 always was a weird concept, why 11:11? maybe the ones look nice, but i guess, "one" is how everyone thinks, only "one" thing matters to them.

OK. enough with the (stupid) chemical metaphors. gomenasai. these chemistry tests must have really gotten to my sanity...today was shitty, the weather was shitty, it was cold and i wanted to cry because i'm a monster. not even a nice cookie monster.just a lonely, stupid monster.and i have done so, so many bad things.
but hopefully this shit turns into fertilizer and everything will be a-ok. and from my fertilizer flowers and nice plants will grow.
i leave you with some wise words of wisdom from confucius: "man who eat cracker in bed wake up feeling crummy."

"patience is a virtue", but what happens when you run out of patience? what's left? maybe the guilt, knowing that you were too "patient" and didnt bother at all. still, how much nicer, would life be if i wasnt this patient? wasnt this willing, wasnt this complacent. i really dont know.

all you do is go on and on, about them. really, does nothing else matter anymore? the world's such a messed up place. there's still part of me that almost wishes "that" never happened, wouldnt it be so much different? maybe you'd still be the same...

was it a mistake? sometimes i doubt my very own judgment, what was i thinking at the time? really, is this what i was meant to do? there's not much you can do anymore really, but i guess all you can do is hope. hope that things will turn out fine, eventually. hope that one day, maybe things will go back to normal. i miss those times, a whole lot. all of those memories are the best things i remember, the things that matter most to me. mutual distance is now what binds us, i guess. oh well, life's never fair. all you need to do is learn how to ignore the injustice.

zai jian, world

sayonaraa